Techy Tubbies

TechyTubbies
Years Active:	2021 – The End of Time
Members:	Ben Allen Andrew Waddle Will Stirk

To be sung as the teletubbies theme:

“Ben Allen, Andy, Stirky, and Sleep Deprivation,

Techy-Tubbies,

Techy-Tubbies,

Say He-llo,

OH FUCK”

It is said that if you’re walking through James College, late at night, when the moon is high, you can hear the distant yells and rants of three very sleep deprived techies losing their god damn minds.

These three techies are known as Will Stirk, Ben Allen and Andrew Waddle. This trio of deranged idiots make up the TechyTubbies, a name which Stirky came up with whilst desperately trying to re-rig the studio, as apparently his method of venting frustration is shitty humour, much to the pleasure of Mr Waddle.

As of writing this, only Stirky and Andy are aware of this tech rebrand, but I’m sure Ben will find out sooner or later.

Origins

I will add something to this eventually, just can't think of anything funny right now. Might have a monster and come back to this.

The TechyTubby Think Tank

One of the key things that binds these three morons together is their incredible ability to come up with the most absurd, silly and out right dangerous ideas whilst sat in a room together (or sometimes when Ben is in the shower. I promise that’s not as weird as it sounds.) Here is a list of some of these death traps.

The Canon Cannon

So apparently, proper sports broadcasts have cameras on tracks or cables that can whip up and down the side of a pitch or track. The trio decided, how hard could it be to build one of these, Ben has an old electronic car with a nice motor in it, Stirky can vaguely solder, Andy has a camera, and FetSoc probably has some rope or something. This started as a genuine idea, until someone brought up the question of how fast they could get it go, which then lead onto the question of what would happen if an unsuspecting athlete were to come into contact with a C100 travelling at Mach 3. This may get built, but will probably just remain as a conversation topic to confuse freshers.

The Titanic

When Ben showers, the schizophrenia kicks in and the voices tell him things. One day, the voices told him that a short sketch based on the titanic would be a cool idea. They also told him that this should involve a set that actually tilts, using a concoction of scaffolding and jacks. He immediately informed the other two of the voices plan and they set about discussing the possibility. It was quickly agreed that this might be possible. However, the room fell silent when location was mentioned, as this project would require space: which none of them had, estates probably wouldn’t be happy about a death trap on campus, and no one seemed keen to answer when Stirky used the words “lighting rig” and “lateral forces” in the same question.

The Rocket Powered GoPro

Another late night studio session somehow lead to the discussion on “What is the biggest rocket you can legally buy?” and “What would happen if I strapped a GoPro to it?”. Having then realised that the best place to launch a rocket is Walmgate Stray, which just so happens to be next to the military barracks, the discussion moved onto “Can we build a potato gun, and launch a GoPro from that?”, which is apparently more legal than a rocket, despite having the word “gun” in it. After discussing this for a while, and having a very interesting chat about GoPro buffers and video loss, the idea was shelved for the time being, only to be brought out on special occasions and birthdays.

48 Hour

In 1988, YSTV won a world record by live streaming for 27 hours straight with a single director. This world record no longer exists, but Andy and Stirky decided to revive the idea after a couple failed attempts from older YSTV members. However, in their lunacy, decided to smash any other records by streaming non-stop for 48 hours. Now all they needed was someone insane enough to direct a stream for 48 hours without sleeping. Luckily, such a being exists, and his name is Ben Allen. This is genuinely happening (or may have already happened depending on when I finish writing this pointless page). However, it may result in the Techy-Tubbies going from a trio to a duo. RIP Ben

7 metre Lighting Stand

Matt Ward-Perkins wanted an aerial shot for sports stuff and YUSU wouldn’t give us a cherry picker, so the dumb asses came up with this. We put it on grant, and no one has said stopped us yet, so I guess it’s happening. Anyone know what the terminal velocity of a C100 is?

The War

It is well known that since the dawn of man, tech and computing departments have raged war on each other, bringing down pain and suffering to any production or admin department caught in the brutal crossfire. There is no exception to this within the hellscape of YSTV.

It is not uncommon to find members of Triple Threat grumbling and moaning whilst the TechyTubbies test the tensile stress of RAM sticks. These incidents are usually caused by the computing lads doing something unacceptable and unholy whilst unsupervised by the techies (usually because said techies are catching up on lost sleep rather than running OBs). Such cases include but are not limited to, slapping a Video Assist on an AC90, claiming that the AC90 is better in low light than the C100, and suggesting that an AC90 is a viable substitute for a cinema camera. There does appear to be a pattern here, doesn’t there?

All this is due to one lovely, but stubborn, Welsh bastard who has a real vendetta against functioning equipment. The Techy-Tubbies appreciate the work Mr Milling has put into the YSTV backend, but would kindly ask that he refrains from touching there stuff inappropriately, as they will; A) piss on the server. B) Bring back Stream 4. Or C) Buy another C100.

The remaining two members of Triple Threat are not really as much of a nuisance as their leader, as Dom just seems permanently exasperated at the lack of any real coordination or communication within YSTV departments, and I haven’t seen Connor in a while, so I’m gonna assume he’s dead. RIP Connor

Trivia

• All three met at courtyard after the first meeting of the 2019-2020 academic year.

• They all study engineering, which probably explains a lot.

• They each have different backgrounds in tech, with Ben doing sound and theatre tech, Andy doing cinematography and gaffing, and Stirky having no tech background at all but voluntarily throwing himself in the deep end anyway.

• Ben Allen is the Lizard King. All Hail.

• The Holy Bodgeble is their scared text.

• They love Commercial, as commercial pays for their sins. Literally.

• Stirky doesn’t know what a condenser is used for, and at this point, is too afraid to ask.

• Andy was tech director, then Ben was dep tech, then Ben wasn’t dep tech, then Andy wasn’t tech director, then Stirky was tech director, then Ben was dep tech. To be continued.

• Andy, after Roses 2021, decided he wanted to prioritise his degree, a decision which Stirky probably should have followed.

• Will not fuck with Dome Whole